I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to say the “waiting until” is something that is very hard to do. Keeping busy during this time is something contradictory to what I really want to be doing, but it is a necessity. For many years now I have been putting my music out, I even took a long 8 year hiatus, but came back just as if I had never left.
Since then I have accomplished much, but I am still not where I want to be. It can be discouraging to find oneself walking in place, per say. Questions in my head arise like “When will I find the right people who will be able to properly direct me?”, “Am I doing all that I can do to help myself?”, and of course the one I dread “Should I reach out and ask them for their service? Maybe they will think I am needy.” It brings me to tears at times because time waits for no one, and music is such a big part of who I am. Even as I write this blog I want to erase it and put up a happier one, but I will resist because this part of a performers psychosis is very real.
I don’t have big dreams, only dreams of touring and writing with profound writers of music. Releasing music that spans time, music that mends the heart, music that heals, music that brings happiness, music that resonates, music that …… Oh my dreams haunt me. Will they ever come true? Oh how I love writing to great music! How I love words! Words heal, express love, hate, war, change, liberate, discriminate, bring justice, free, and so much more!
One day I will be able to share these words, like in my dreams, I have had the pleasure of putting to music, but I wait until…..